Was that a threat?

Some people just aren’t made for making threats. One day while walking down the street, I saw a store owner kick some guy out of his store. The store owner’s last words to the miscreant in question as he walked away:

Next time you want to steal toilet paper, come see me!

Okay, so the culprit was stealing toilet paper and next time he does that you:

  1. Will call the police? Nope.
  2. Hope it’s somewhere else? Nope.
  3. Have a quick chat about it? Yes!

Realistically, the store owner almost sounds like he’s inviting the guy to come back. Kind of like, “Hey, next time you find the need to steal toilet paper, come see me.” Perhaps halfway through his threat he realized this poor guy was stealing toilet paper, which really is hitting rock bottom when you think about it.

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

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