Oblivious

This story happened a few weeks ago—like, around Christmas (which will soon become obvious)—but I still wanted to share. Perhaps I shouldn’t spend so much time playing video games.

I’m not a big fan of holiday shopping—this last year I managed to buy nearly all my gifts online—but I did leave my apartment a couple of times to look for things I thought people might want. One place I went, and almost immediately regretted, was the holiday market in Union Square (the center of the universe according to The Warriors).

As one might expect, the holiday market was obscenely crowded. (Not the kind of place I like to be in. I don’t even have a fear of large groups, I’m just easily annoyed.) There were at least two people who didn’t want to make things easier on anyone. I spotted the two of them, a guy and a girl, as I first entered the market. The guy was trying to take some fun photos of the girl looking at things. Ultimately, they just got in everyone’s way.

I was only slightly annoyed at first; I see stupid people with cameras all the time. Then I ran into them again on the other side of the market. I had pulled off to the side to play Pokémon Go, but there they were. They were getting in the way of everyone again—forcing people to walk around them—but this time I was on a different side of the girl. I noticed that the fuzzy part around the collar of the girl’s jacket had a tag or something on it. Upon further inspection, it was a sticker someone had put on her that read, “I’m an asshole. I wear fur.

Perfect. Of course the person oblivious to the fact that she was getting in everyone’s way was also oblivious to the fact that someone had put a sticker on her. Oh, and oblivious to the fact that people don’t wear animal fur anymore. Unless of course, that person is an asshole.

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

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