The Formula For Success!

I have many petty beliefs. My right to judge people’s t-shirts is one that I’ll never let go.

Recently I saw someone wearing a t-shirt with this printed on it (recreated by me):

The Formula For Success

Underneath that it declared it was, “The Formula For Success.”

That is not a formula. It is a list of elements on the periodic table. A chemical formula looks something like H2O (or exactly like H2O if you’re talking about water) which, “express[es] information about the proportions of atoms that constitute a particular chemical compound, using a single line of chemical element symbols, numbers, and sometimes also other symbols.”

Anyways, if we do pretend that collection of elements is a formula, let’s see what’s in it!

  • Calcium: For strong bones, a logical ingredient to success.
  • Sulfur: Useful in making matches. That makes sulfur 🔥🔥🔥 (aka, lit) (aka, a description of a highly successful event).
  • Hydrogen: This element is basically everywhere, so of course it’s also in the formula for success.
  • Molybdenum: Used in steel, hard to melt. Hmm, steel is a very successful metal so by the transitive property, it must also make for a successful formula.
  • Neon: Used in neon lights, those can be pretty cool. Success!
  • Yttrium: Used in LED lights and emits light/is luminescent. It can also be used in the production of lasers! I successfully looked up yttrium.

What a stupid way to get the words, “Cash Money,” onto a t-shirt. Hire a graphic designer.

photo credit: angled via photopin (license)

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

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