This Was Never Going To Work Out

I was at a café, waiting for my tea to be ready, when I glanced over someone’s shoulder. It was the shoulder of a girl checking her snaps (you know, on Snapchat). This girl’s friend sent her a video of the date she was on. Judging by the time of day, the date was for a cup of coffee or lunch. The video was taken from table level, as I could make out some items sitting on it. The guy on the date was going on about something that I couldn’t hear; but I doubt it was anything important. What made the snap a thing of beauty was that it had the words, “HE SUCKS,” written across it as he was trying to have a conversation. That’s a bold move.

It’s easy to tell when someone starts texting part way through a conversation they’re bored with. Taking a video of a conversation takes it to a new level. That poor guy. Someone took a video of an attempted conversation and then wrote text over it! Go home everyone, it’s over. Date fatality.

he-sucks

I can’t even believe the date continued on after that. There’s no way the guy was saying anything important enough where his internal monologue was telling him, “Wow, this girl is taking a video of me talking, she must be really impressed with my final paper in Discrete Structures 220!” As soon as that girl pulls out her phone to start the video, I’d have The Sound of Silence playing in my head.

Was he confessing to a murder? That might be noteworthy enough for him to understand the video. But what of the girl on the date? She should have more sense than to just send the video around with, “HE SUCKS,” written on it. Tell the police!

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

1 comment

  1. “I never told anyone this, but I smothered my brother.”
    “mmhmmm” [ types “looser!” puts dog face filer on]

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