God and Steve Jobs are sitting on the couch, watching TV. A commercial for Aaron Sorkin’s biopic, Steve Jobs, is just finishing. God says, “Hey Steve, don’t you think this new movie portrays you a little too much like me, the literal Christian God?”
To which Steve replies, “No, not at all, in fact, after watching it, I was thinking of some changes.”
“Changes? To heaven?” asks God.
“More like the religion as a whole. I’m an idea man, an innovator,” declares Steve as he pulls out a white book. “This, is the iBle.”
“That’s just the Bible with a new name,” God retorts.
“Right, like iPhones would be something without the i,” says Steve, righteously.
God dejectedly responds, “Phones are a thing, Steve.”
Steve looks into the distance, “I want to put a ding in the universe.”* He pulls out two iPads and turns to God, “Plus the iBle has a few key edits. Moses can find two of these bad boys in that burning bush.”
God pleads, “Don’t tell me you rewrote the Ten Commandments.”
Steve looks into the distance again, “Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”*
God continues to plead, “But the Bible was written by my many disciples!”
Steve, still looking into the distance, “It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.”*
Proudly, God says, “A lot of people do like the Bible! It’s the most published book in history.”
Steve looks back at God, “And PC’s are the most common kind of computer but the perception isn’t there anymore.”
God, unsure of himself tells Steve, “I don’t even know what to say.”
Steve looks back into the distance, “Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.”*
God, questioning his place begins to bargain with Steve, “That sounds like something I should be saying. Well how about this, I’ll invent something right now… how about iHeaven… no… iRobot… no… iBle? God dammit!”
Steve looks back into the distance, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”*
Angels begin to gather around and kneel in front of Steve Jobs, all texting on their iPhones.
“What is happening!” screams God.
The angels begin to stomp their feet on the ground as God sits down to contemplate his own meaning in life.
Steve, still looking into the distance, “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”*
Jesus walks into the room, “Dad, what’s going on in here, what’s all this noise about?”
The angels stop. Steve makes eye contact with God and asks him, “You acknowledge your son?”
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