Volunteer toll booth working

photo credit: redjar via photopin cc
photo credit: redjar via photopin cc
photo credit: redjar via photopin cc

How hard could it be to just take over a toll booth and start collecting fare? I’ve spent a good deal of time traveling over the past month and every time I go through one of those long, 6+ lane toll plazas, I get this unshakable thought that I could totally open one of the closed toll booths and run it. I bet it would take a long time to get caught, especially around rush hour—the other toll booth workers wouldn’t be able to notice if what I was doing if they were flooded with customers. I also doubt there is any kind of centralized hub for a supervisor to see which booths were in operation and why would there be? Has anyone ever taken a toll booth hostage like this?

I assume toll booths are locked (though I don’t have any evidence of this) but if video games have taught me anything, it’s possible to sneak into any building and easily acquire the keys necessary to get a mission done.

I bet 15 years, or so, ago this was even easier. Without RFID tags in cars, there were way more toll booth workers. Everyone still had jobs back then, too, so governments were probably hiring more than they needed. There was also no security anywhere yet and in the late 1990’s I was in peak Goldeneye conditioning, though I doubt I’d need my PP7.

I don’t think I’d even do it for the money. I would just be there for the thrill of it. I’d set myself a time limit of an hour then, once time was up, I’d run across the lines of mostly stopped vehicles to my get away car safely stowed on the clear side of the toll booths. As long as I don’t take any of the money, I would probably be commended. Given a medal, even!

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

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