Teaching a Phone to Talk (Part 1)

I have a smartphone (more specifically an HTC Aria running Android Froyo). The auto-correct feature for typing is pretty good and it allows you to add words to its dictionary that it might not otherwise have. It turns out, as of this morning, I have 217 words that I added to my dictionary and most of them are pretty silly. So here is the first part, letters A-D, with commentary:

  • absinthe – The liquor I’ve always wanted to try, long banned in the U.S. and now forgotten by my phone
  • AHAHAHAHA – Why can’t my phone understand laughter
  • aight – Slang, I don’t blame my phone for not knowing it, it’s probably trying to teach me something anyhow
  • Allston – Where I live, I wouldn’t think about it if I didn’t live their either
  • aqua – Come on! Best band of all time!
  • Arkham – Batman-related nonsense word.
  • Aromando – Of course they wouldn’t think my last name is a word, look at it!
  • ass – I get not auto correcting a word to this, but at least accept it is a word
  • autospell – Ironic?
  • Aw – I guess smartphones are against onamonapia
  • Beastie – Beastie Boys!
  • Beatnik’s – A bar
  • beeped – I beeped my horn?
  • Benson’s – Something belonged to Doug Benson
  • bitch – See ass
  • BJ – A nickname, eh, right?
  • Blackstone – A canal/bar I apparently talk about sometimes (at least once)
  • Blarney – Another bar…
  • blogger – Why, smartphone, do you betray me?
  • bloggers – Betray us?
  • blogs – Betray them?
  • bloodbath – Why did I need to type this?
  • bloopers – I guess the auto-correct is biased against mistakes
  • Blu-ray – I think I made up name in a dream
  • Boba – At first I thought this was for Boba Tea, but wait until part 2 comes out with words that start with “F”
  • boi – I must have been talking about Avril Lavigne
  • Bon – Jovi?
  • boobs – Smartphone? More like nerdphone if you don’t know what these are!
  • booker’s – People who avoid my stand-up
  • Booo – Auto-correct is trying to keep things positive
  • Bowery – Place in NYC
  • Brett – My brother and a co-worker, not sure who I was talking about
  • bringer – Suckers you get to come see your comedy show
  • Britney – I’m a huge Spears fan…
  • broski – What I call a close chum
  • broskis – What I call a group of my close chums
  • Bruins – Hockey!
  • bs – Yeah, maybe this isn’t a word
  • BU – I live near the college
  • c-word – At least I wasn’t adding the real word
  • Carpe – Seize!
  • Castine – A band
  • Catwoman – A super tweener
  • chase – This a real word, right?
  • Chewbacca – And my obsession with Star Wars starts to become apparent
  • CincoA family of products
  • Clooney – I just can’t stop talking about George
  • comedians – My “friends”
  • congrats – Shorthand/fake word
  • Costner – I talk about Kevin occasionally.
  • Cutie – Death Cab
  • d-bag – Fun time slang
  • DaveyAmerica
  • Deftones – A band
  • Dillinger – Probably for the band, Dillinger Escape Plan
  • DMV – That place
  • douche – Yet another real word
  • dozes – I buy dozes of roses for my hunny
  • dre – Probably for my friend Andre or when I’m texting Snoop Dogg about carpooling plans
  • DTFA harmless acronym
  • DVD – Digital Versatile Disc
  • DVDs – Digital Versatile Discs

By Matt Aromando

Stand-up, improv, and sketch comedian.

2 comments

  1. It’s like how i get red lines under the word “facebook” when i’m typing in Facebook. Ironic. Or how my old ass flip phone really wants “the” to be “tif” and “st” to be “78” and “we” to be “Wf” How did I ever write those combinations of letters enough to override such common and obvious words?

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